“Mama, you won’t believe this,” Rosie says as she gets in the car. “Kaitlyn was cast as a back-up in the Nutcracker because she doesn’t have the perfect ballerina body.”
“That’s ridiculous,” I said. “Nobody does.”
“I know, right? ” Rosie says and she continues on telling me about her day, but I can’t help but be distracted. Perfect ballerina body? What kind of message are they sending these kids?
At first glance, my Rosie appears to have the perfect look. She carries herself like a ballerina. She is slim, has a long neck, graceful arms and legs for days, but she’ll be the first one to point out that even her body’s not right for ballet. Here’s the sad thing. Rosie can tell you everything about her body that’s wrong. Her elbows are double jointed. Her knees bend and actually hyper-extend. Since she’s 5’5″ at 13 and still growing, she may be too tall to be a principal dancer. And, then there are her breasts. Lovely in real life, they may be too big to be a ballerina. (And, guess what? If I didn’t tell you all of that, you’d see her on a stage and think, “what a gorgeous ballerina.”)
How do I know all of this? Rosie pointed out her flaws to me one-by-one in great detail. They’ve obviously been pointed out to her before. Want the good news? She doesn’t care.
“Mama,” Rosie says. “If you had to have the perfect body to dance, there’d be no one dancing.”
“You are totally right,’ I say and then remind her that the most talented, hard-working girl at our studio has Scoliosis. Far from perfect but she’s absolutely amazing and flexible as hell.
“Hey Rosie, you know that Under Armor commercial? The one with Misty Copeland? She doesn’t have the perfect ballerina body either. That’s the point”
Here’s the cool thing. My daughter gets that she doesn’t have to have the perfect body to dance and she loves that Misty Copeland doesn’t either. But there are lots of other girls that hear that they’re not perfect every single day and it’s not good for their self-esteem. Shame on the dance studio that points out a dancer’s physical flaws. The majority of these kids dance because they love it and if they work hard and get lucky some of them do have a shot to dance professionally or work in the business but honestly, many don’t. We need to stress positive body image not perfection.
As for that other studio, we left over a year ago. Rosie decided she no longer wanted to be a ballerina and wanted to pursue other forms of dance. Part of the reason? Because she doesn’t have the perfect ballerina body. The other? She needed to be in an environment that stressed the positives all the time instead of the negatives. We found our home and every time I see her on stage, all I can think is…perfection.
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angela says
I love that Misty Copeland commercial. Genetics are against my girl in terms of a “perfect” ballerina body, but she loves dancing, so I will do my best to stay on top of those whispers (inner and outer) that her body should dictate what she does with her time.
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debcb says
I love it too. Teenage-hood is hard enough without someone telling you that you are not perfect. We need to teach our kids that it doesn’t matter. No one’s perfect.
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Ange says
That’s one of my favorite commercials!
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Kelly R. says
So, I’m not a dancer. No one can ever accuse me of being graceful enough. But having friends who are/were dancers, and my own history of self-esteem issues, this resonates. I think it’s especially sad when a little girl’s passion can be quashed due to appearances. I was passionate about writing and painting, but no one cared what my body looked like for that. I can imagine that it’s a crushing experience. Many of the other women I’ve spoken with about a shared history of eating disorders were dancers — the pressure to look the part was too much.
Kudos to you and Rosie for having such a healthy approach to dance and self-image. I’m so happy you guys found a healthy, safe environment as your “dance home.” And that Misty Copeland video gets me every time. Dang. Awesome post.
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debcb says
I think that teens are put under too much pressure to be perfect whether they dance or not. It’s so hard and the airbrushed media sends the wrong message. It’s so important to be in an environment that sends the right one. We’re so lucky!
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Jamie Rippy ( says
My girl will never have the perfect ballerina body either, but she amazes me everyday with how little she cares about what anyone else thinks about here. Even at only 7, I am so proud of her for that and it’s one thing about her I hope she never changes.
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debcb says
Keep it up Mama. YOU’re going a great job!
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Maria Holiday says
This made me cry. Thank God she has you telling her no one is “perfect”. I’d even argue that each of us are “perfect”. We’re designed exactly how the Father wanted us to be.
Amber says
I’m always in awe of the conversation you and Rosie have. I hope I will be able to handle things with such grace when my daughter is a teenager. Love this article! <3
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debcb says
Thank you. I’m very lucky that she still talks to me. Fingers crossed that this lasts through all the teen years.
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amber.m says
I love that commercial so much!
Claire says
Love that commercial and this post. What a great message for young girls (and all of us, really). So wonderful that you can have that kind of talk with your daughter and that she gets it! She’s gorgeous anyway!
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debcb says
Thank you. I think so too. She’s also beautiful inside and yes, I am very blessed that we can talk candidly. I hope it lasts.
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Jodi Hickenlooper says
Hi Deb! As a former dancer and someone who has worked with dancers I really connect with this post. Having that “perfect” dancers body can be such a hurdle for young ladies who are already battling pop cultures ideas about what girls and women should look like.
Your daughter has such a healthy attitude about her body – good job to both of you!
And like everyone else – I love that Misty Copeland commercial!
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debcb says
Thanks so much for reading and your kind words. These kids have so much to deal with. They need to feel secure in their skin.
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Hannah says
I don’t think there was one girl in my dance class at university who would have fitted the perfect dancer body and yet we all danced. Okay some better than others and I would have rather been doing musical theatre instead but we worked together to complete our goals.
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