It’s Throwback Thursday!
Happy Thursday everyone! As I’m feeling like a failure this week at the motherhood thing, I thought I’d share with you the most colossal mommy mistake I ever made (of course I swore I’d never talk about it but we all know that I have problems keeping my mouth shut.) Anyhoo, this post first appeared on the KC Star’s mom2mom site in 2010. I figured a decade was a long enough time to keep a secret. Enjoy!
A few weeks ago my rear view mirror fell off. I called the dealership to get it replaced and they wanted as hefty $266 (plus labor) to replace. So, I turned to my ever-resourceful hubby to find a solution.
He tried glue first, but none worked. So, he turned to the only product that was guaranteed to have over 1000 uses- duct tape. It worked marvelously; saved money and kept the mirror intact.
There was just one teeny-tiny problem- the moment it got over 90 degrees, the tape melted. In the morning, my mirror would be in perfect position. By late afternoon, it tipped towards the floor making it hard to drive.
In hindsight, I should have known the tape would melt at a high temperature. I’ve had experience in the past. And, I reveal this with much guilt and shame- I duct taped my daughter.
It’s an early morning in September 2000 and I haven’t slept a wink. I’ve been up all night with week-old Rosie. Not only will she not sleep (aren’t newborns supposed to at least be screwed up enough to sleep during the day?), she won’t breastfeed and she has terrible jaundice. She has to be the only baby on the face of the earth that does not sleep under the warmth of the billi light (or so I’m told by my more experienced friends).
In order to be sprung from Shawnee Mission, we had to agree to scheduled visits from a home health nurse (who I’m currently cursing since I don’t even want to move and haven’t slept in about a month). I pull Rosie out of the crib, undo the light and pull off her wet diaper. I feel something strange. I flip her over can’t believe my eyes.
There, seared to her itty-bitty back, is a piece of duct tape.
“KEL-EEE!!!” I scream. “Help me! OH MY GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE!” I yell.
In rush my mom and Kelly, who immediately take notice of my small, red-headed child, flipped over on her tummy (and the large piece of tape adhered to her back). We all stare at each other in disbelief. A moment later, I’m sobbing uncontrollably.
“I DUCT TAPED MY DAUGHTER!” comes out of my mouth in fits and spurts. “I’m going to go to jail. That nurse is going to call Family Services and that will be the end of me.” I scream and fall on the bed in disbelief.
The next few frantic moments are a blur. Somehow my husband has the courage to rip the tape off of poor Rosie and get her diapered and dressed. I calm down, get myself dressed and begin to steel myself for the fact that the nurse will be here any moment. I need to get my shit together. And, my mom is cool as a cucumber. She makes a plan.
“Look,” she says grabbing me by the shoulders. “We have to tell the nurse, but after that we’ll never tell anyone. It will be our secret. No one will ever know.”
The nurse gets here, tests my vitals and asks a few questions about my health, before she ventures over to the baby. She leans down and takes her out of the bassinet, unsnaps her onesie and starts to check her out. As she move her stethoscope toward Rosie’s back I let out a yelp.
“WAIT!” I screamed (before she could see the red tape-shaped welt on my child’s back). “I have to tell you something!”
Out spills my story. The billi light was held together by a piece of tape. The home health agency told us to replace it if it lost its stickiness. And, we couldn’t find anything that would work except duct tape. So, we taped the light together and put it over her clothes. Somehow, it wound up on Rosie’s skin.
“I DUCT TAPED MY BABY!” I wail.
She looks at me with caring eyes. Take my hand and sits me down on the bed; tries to reassure me. She tells me it wasn’t my fault. And, then she gets ready to leave.
“Oh, by the way,” she says. “If you put the light under the onesie and snap it. It will hold it together. You didn’t need any tape. I can’t believe they didn’t tell you.”
Ladies, what mistakes did you make when your kids were small?