“You know what?’ I said to my teen as I was frantically mopping up water off my wooden kitchen table. “I’m having a bad day! I’m not mad at you. I’m just frustrated.”
She looked at me with big, blue sad eyes and said, “Well, you wouldn’t be having a bad day if it wasn’t for me.”
“Not true,” I told her. “Sometimes moms just have bad days and it doesn’t have to do with anyone else.”
Rosie and I had this conversation last week after she knocked over a huge glass of water, nearly hitting my laptop. Her reaction broke my heart. Yes, my child has chronic migraines and there are good days, bad days and then terrible ones but it’s our life and it’s my job as a mom to help her manage her pain. Does it wreck my day? Not really. Our life changed over time so my expectations of what our days would be like changed gradually as well. I am the one that made the choice to change my career to be a better mom. To homeschool to help my child manage her migraines. I made those decisions actively and I have no regrets. To hear her say that my bad day was caused by her really tore at my soul. I never want her to feel like that. Ever.
Unfortunately, she does and that really sucks, so I have to do a better job of managing my temper. It’s hard to explain to a child that a parent’s bad day isn’t caused by them- especially when we’re together all day long. My bad day just happened to be caused by losing a client, dealing with issues with my mom in the hospital and just feeling emotionally crappy. It happens. Unfortunately, as a mom, I can’t have a bad day and I’m sure many of you can’t either.
Moms are expected to be these super human creatures that can make a living, navigate the pick-up lane and kiss boo-boos and make them all better. We’re the ones to carpool, listen to our kids secrets and manage a home. Often we don’t take time for ourselves. We don’t have time to be sick and we certainly don’t have time to have a bad day. It interferes with the balance of everything. Throws life completely off. I think that’s bullshit.
We deserve to have bad days. To get frustrated. Sit in our cars and yell at the top of our lungs. Bitch over drinks with our girlfriends.Rant on social media if needed. We should be allowed to have shitty days where nothing goes right and be able to express ourselves- to blow off steam.
This mothering thing is hard work and it’s wonderful, but there are so many other things we have to be terrific at that have nothing to do with parenting. It’s overwhelming. There are days when I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders and it has absolutely nothing to do with my responsibilities as a mother. I worry about my hubby’s impending job loss and the health of our parents. I am stressed over money, wonder how we’re going to pay for dance season and I’m trying to figure out how my business can continue to grow now that I’m home full-time. I’m tired of picking up dog poop from the new puppy and breaking up fights with our older dogs.Yes, I’m coming off of six months of fighting with school and doctors and trying to figure out what the new normal will be but that’s no longer a frustration. I’m tired and a little crabby and guess what? That’s okay.
So, I don’t have time for a bad day (and I’m sure as a mom, you don’t either). I’ll allow myself a bad 30 minutes to write this blog, let it all go and then move on. We have big plans today learning about Cryogenics, baking cookies and doing a little online learning. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Moms, how do you handle your bad days?