Lately, I've been feeling discombobulated. Actually, I've been overwhelmed which is not like me however, I can pinpoint the exact moment the feeling started.
My hubby came home one night in May and announced that “construction on the basement would start tomorrow.” Now, I don't know about your basement but mine was not in any kind of shape to have guys come in and start framing it. There were crafts all over the freaking place (a project that Rosie and I swore we'd tackle over the summer). Workout equipment that needed to be moved. Essentially, it was a very large job moving everything out of the way so the guys could start and the only place to move it? My office and bathroom.
There's nothing that makes me feel more discombobulated than clutter. I hate it. Unfortunately, for six weeks I've had to walk on my tiptoes to get to my office toilet. Now, the good news is all I have to to is open a drawer and I can craft on the pot but it's not exactly an ideal situation. And, what made it even worse? It was a couple of weeks before my big LuLaRoe order was delivered so I lost all my storage. Sucks.
Since then, there's been no movement on the basement. My hubby's busy and can't do it all himself. The guys that work for him haven't had an open day since that first week. So, I see no end in sight to the chaos that has become my life. I just have to deal with it.
As a mom, I've felt that way often because life hasn't really gone the way we planned. I've had to roll with the punches and adjust my parenting strategy to whatever life throws at us. We've survived a couple of really bad years filled with illness and the unknown. I've fought with school, doctors, insurance and just about anybody that's gotten in my way when it comes to advocating for my child. I've been able to do things that most parents can't even imagine and still stay happy and healthy. So, why is a little clutter making me stark raving mad?
Because I can't control it.
I can't manage it because there's nowhere to move it. I also can't fix the problem. I just have to deal with it the best way I can. So, I'll continue to get my canned goods from the tub in my bathroom and throw my shipping supplies in the shower. I have no choice. Yet, it's still making me nuts and I'm painfully aware that it's eating away at me.
That's why when we went on vacation last week, I allowed myself to do something that I never have before. I gave myself permission to do nothing. For the first time in years, I walked away from my blog and social media (except for the few things I scheduled the week before and the two posts I had to schedule when I was there). And, I decided that I wasn't going to worry if it killed my stats or if I lost some opportunities. I needed to clear my mind of any clutter that was there because I certainly can't do it in my life.
Guess what happened?
Nothing. My blog traffic stayed steady which is nuts because I spend a ton of time every week promoting to get traffic (a sign that I've obviously been working way too hard for little return). There were no disasters. The world kept spinning and nothing bad happened. I was able to relax and enjoy unwinding without chaos.
I'm not sure when adulting got so complicated and hard, but I love this picture of my niece, Sophie, and my Rosebud. They're hanging out in the hammock in Hilton Head without a care in the world. All they worried about all week was what bathing suit to wear and would we take them for ice cream that night. They didn't worry about what was going on at home (especially since they were still connected via SnapChat), they just enjoyed the week. We adults should take lessons from our smart teens. We can unwind and the world will go on.
So, now I'm back amidst all the clutter. As I type this, sitting in my office with all kinds of crap that doesn't belong here, I have to remind myself that it's just stuff and it's only temporary. I can't help but think how lucky I'll be when the basement is done and everything goes back in it's proper place. Yet, there's still a part of me that wants it done now. I'm going to have to tame that beast. I don't have time to be discombobulated.