People are judgy. Doesn’t matter where you are, there’s always someone around passing judgment, especially when it comes to parenting. They always seem to know better or they’d never parent that way. But here’s the thing, it’s none of your freaking business. It’s not your kid.
When Rosie was little, I made a bunch of decisions that I’m sure other mothers would’ve had a hey day with if they knew. They’d be judgy but personally, I don’t give a shit. Motherhood is hard. Just ask the mom who’s kid wandered off into the gorilla cage last week. Chances are she looked away for a split-second as her child ran into the cage, yet she’s been skewered all over social media for her parenting. I’m glad there wasn’t social media when my teenager was little because I’m 100% certain social services would’ve been knocking on my door if a judgy mom told them that I did all of these things.
I duct taped my baby. Not intentionally but there was a piece of duct tape seared to my newborn’s back. It’s a long story, one I thought I’d never tell, but I did here. Read it and laugh at me.
When my child was two and biting all the time, I bit her back. Yep, you read that right and I’d tell you I’m going to hell but it worked. She never bit me again.
When she was three, she threw a fit in Target and sat down on the ground screaming and crying. I sat down in the aisle until she calmed down. A lady stopped and said, “aren’t you going to calm her down.” I said, “you can try but then you’ll have to take her to Target from now on.”
At four, she refused to put on tights for the recital dress rehearsal. I turned the car around and drove back home. She was not in the recital that year and she hated me. Oh well.
She had a bad habit of throwing all the contents of her closet over the railing when she was mad. I packed it up in garbage bags and didn’t give it back to her. I also put a lock on the outside of the door to keep her in her room. We never had to use it.
Those are all parenting decisions that I made that others probably would’ve been a little judgy had they known. And, I can give you more.
There were ear infections that went undiagnosed because I thought she was just crabby. She was allowed to run around in the backyard naked so she’d finally learn how to use the potty. Once we sat in a restaurant for hours until she ate a bite of food. My kid was one stubborn Ginger and I had to figure out how to get her to do all the things we needed her to do every day and tame her temper.
One day, it worked. She no longer threw her clothes into the hallway. She wore the itchy, ugly costume for recital. She put herself into time-out in her room when she was crabby. All the things that I did that all the judgy moms would probably bash me for worked.
Motherhood isn’t easy and it’s not science. Each child is different and you have to parent the best way you can. As mothers, we need to support each other instead of passing judgment and giving the stink-eye in Target. We need to build each other up, instead of tearing down. Especially since we have no idea what’s going on in someone else’s house or life.
Could the gorilla mom have kept a closer eye on her child? Sure, but kids are lightning fast. One minute they’re there and the next they’re not. Don’t be so judgy.
I’m pretty sure biting your daughter back was brilliant – unexpected, and enough to get the thought through that ‘hey, that’s not pleasant.’ Not the first route to take, sure, but when stuff doesn’t stop, you gotta get inventive!
I don’t even have kids and I admit after reading about that story, my first thought was “should have been watching the kid better.” Then again, I also read bits about how the kid had been heard saying it wanted to swim with the gorilla…and then apparently got in after mom looked away. I have no right to judge, sure, but I also have the right to file away that sort of thing for when I do have kids (i.e. to try and not let kid be un-watched after it says it wants to do something…it will find a way!).
I also think there’d be less vitrol thrown her way if the gorilla hadn’t of had to be shot. If the kid had gotten out and the gorilla was fine, then this would be done by now. But it died and that’s pretty shitty (and, as an Internet, the Internet decides the blame needs to be put on someone, and they deep-down know you can’t pin that on a 3 year old).
Jessica [Havok] recently posted…Introduction to Permaculture Course – in review
I think it was a terrible situation all the way around and I’m sure the mother feels terrible. As parents, we all make mistakes. Unfortunately, this one was blown up all over the internet.
debcb recently posted…Don’t be so judgy
I don’t have kids, but after spending an entire day with two kids under three, I got a sense of how hard being a parent really is and how creative you really have to be to get them to listen!
Jessica H. recently posted…Raspberry Berets
My oldest bit me once… I bit him back! He never bit anyone again.
Had I not done that and let him continue biting, I’d have been judged for having a biter. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.
People really shouldn’t be so quick to judge.
amber.m recently posted…Our summer adventure bag
This post is excellent. What works for one may not work for another and I needed that reminder.
Kristie Burnett recently posted…Memorial Day Weekend Style With Maggy London
LOVE this. I’m due in July and it’s our first so I know I have so much in store for me. I’ve found myself becoming much less judgmental the closer it gets to my due date because I’m pretty sure I’m already doing things “wrong.”
Ashley recently posted…Blackberry and Mozzarella Grilled Crostini
YES! I am over the bashing over the gorilla mom already! And a lot of what I have seen has come from A. People with no kids (hello, clueless, k?) and B. These supposedly perfect parents (doesn’t exist, k?). I have a 4 year old- that girl is quick. And stubborn. And head strong. You know which parents need to be judged? Those that beat their kids. Those parents that allow another family member to abuse their childreb. Those parents who totally neglect their kids. We need to focus on the kids who are in real trouble, that endure actual real abuse every single day instead of continuing to turn a blind eye to it. But everyone is all up in arms over the parents of the kid who crawled into the gorilla exhibit. #smh
Carrie R recently posted…The Best Resources for Planning a Summer Family Vacation
Yes! Every parent is different and every child is different. What works with one of my kids doesn’t always work with the other, so we really just need to stop judging and instead help support and build each other up, as let’s admit it at times motherhood is really hard.
Emmy recently posted…Friday 5: Pajama Day, Team Manager, a Waterfall