I’m standing in the middle school hallway after the 6th grade mixer trying to not look like an uncool mom when Rosie blows by me with one of her Besties. I give them a few minutes of quality alone time at the lockers before I come to the realization that they are not coming back. I take a deep breath and enter the 6th grade hall knowing that I have a 99.99% chance of embarrassing my child. It’s a risk I have to take if we’re ever going to get out of here.
“Hey Rosie, let’s go,” I say as I approach her and a group of blondes that all look the same especially since they’re all talking at the same time, their animated arms flailing wildly.
They are conveying a story to a mom who seems to be more perfect than I due to her level of patience. Rosie looks up and sees me. And, for once she doesn’t roll her eyes.
“Mama,” she says. “You won’t believe this. I was just called a b-i-t-c-h.”
While I applaud my child’s decorum (we are about to make it to age 12 without her saying a single bad word in my earshot and no, I am not making that up), I am stunned. It’s less than one week into middle school and the girl’s are already nasty. They couldn’t at least wait Christmas break and give us one good semester?
The answer of course is no. And, that was just a small taste of our first couple of weeks and how different life is now as opposed to grade school. As promised, here are other gems that I heard in no particular order (all names have been changed to protect the innocent).
- “The teachers say we need to carry a purse. It has to be Vera Bradley.” (I think there may have been some veracity to this. I did notice at least 100 Vera bags of some sort while waiting for pick up).
- “See that girl? That’s Jay’s girlfriend. Well at least she says she is. I think he got notes from five girls yesterday.”
- “They had to have a conversation with a couple of girls about their clothes. You know the kind of girls that wear the too short shorts?”
- “The curtains aren’t there (on the gym showers) so you are more self-confident.” (This came from a gym teacher. She bought it, but as my hubby the K-man profoundly said, “Yea, just tell that to the kid with the small junk.”)
- “If Mason sticks one more love note in my locker I’m going to scream. Right. in. his. FACE. “
- “Hey, Mama, I’m going out to pick up the paper.” (As all the boys were walking to the bus stop. Sure she was.)
- “See that girl. She is the 8th grade ho.” (Where she picked that up and whether or not she understood the gravity of the comment, I do not know. I became mute at that moment.)
- And my all time favorite comment of the week: “Some of those 8th graders really need to bathe. When you are under their armpits it is not a pleasant experience.”
If you have a brand new middle school kid, what have you heard this week?