Middle school love sucks. It did the first time I went through it and it’s painful to watch the second time with a teenager. Plain and simple. But, I can’t really tell my teen how I really feel about it as it will dash her hopes to find a knight in shining armor later (and she’ll also never want to confide in me) So, I’ve really tried hard to give her good solid advice when it comes to navigating the puberty-filled cesspool we call middle school.
Here are the top ten things I wish my mom told me about middle school love all those years ago (and if you like, check out my ten things I wish my mom told me as a teen post too).
10. It’s a game- Boys are fickle. One day they like you. The next day they don’t. And, some days they like you and your best friend. I’m starting to think that they sit in the locker room with all the cool girls pics on a board, spin and that’s who they like this week. (And, you know what? The same thing goes for some of the girls)
9. Don’t fall into the “Oh, you’ll make such a cute couple” trap– Peer pressure. Gotta love it. Just because your posse of friends thinks you’d look cute if you dated the tall basketball player doesn’t mean he’s the guy for you. And, why doesn’t one of them want him in the first place? Makes a girl wonder.
8. Never date a boy that doesn’t own a pair of pants-Ever sat through a middle school drop off lane when it’s zero degrees in January? There are boys in shorts. That screams poor judgment to me (and we already know that teenage boys do stupid crap in the first place). How can any teen girl take them seriously?
7. Don’t take the first guy that comes along- Yes, it’s fun to post ” taken” on Instagram with your honey’s name surrounded by hearts, but take your time to be sure you really like him. When in doubt of his intentions go back and read #10. Make sure he really likes you too. Remember, you don’t have to date anyone. Period.
6. Take it slow– When you finally find the guy you like, you don’t have to announce it to everyone right away. Take a couple of months to become good friends. Learn more about him. Once you’ve decided he likes his mother, gets good grades, has a sense of humor and is totally infatuated with you, THEN change your Instagram status.
5. Embrace the group date- In middle school these are your friends. While you’re learning the ins and outs of how to get along with boys, it’s always best to do so in a pack (and we won’t let you do anything with a boy alone anyway). That way you’re never uncomfortable or put into a situation that makes you so. And, guess what? Parental supervision is not a bad thing.
4. Your BFF’s don’t need to know all your secrets- If you follow #5 (which you should), you’ll be out with lots of kids and your besties are going to want to know all the down and dirty details of your relationship. Guess what? They don’t need to know it all. How many teenage girls do you know that keep all your confidences. Not many.
3. Be smart with your social media– In my day, it was called passing notes. Today it’s called SnapChat and Instagram. Both need to be PG at all times. Period.
2. THAT girl will wind up in trouble– See her over there flirting with all the boys? She stole someone’s boyfriend last week and then changed her mind and decided to like another guy? There’s a reason the guys like her and you want nothing to do with that, I promise. However, remember her name when she’s missing sophomore year for a few months.
1. You only get one first kiss-There are no do over’s when it comes to that first kiss so choose wisely. You’ll remember it the rest of your life. Make sure you hold out for the right guy, right time and right place. And, make sure your Daddy never finds out so you have a chance for a second one.
What do you wish your mom told you about middle school love??
Erica says
If we could all go back in time…. I wish my mom would have told me those too, but would we have listened?
Erica
We Three Crabs
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debcb says
I’ve been blessed that so far my teen does listen. Fingers crossed.
Jennifer S. says
#8 made me laugh and #5 is so true. Being friends first and in a group is so important because you’re more likely to relax and just be yourself – less pressure.
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debcb says
Agreed. And, you much more likely to stay out of trouble too.
Sarah Arrow says
I love this post Deb, I was unprepared for my teen to go through middle school but I won’t be when the next two arrive. And it’s such a confusing time for them, I was next to useless as I was still recovering from my experiences (that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it).
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debcb says
Middle school was rough for me but going through it with my teen is harder. You can see the train going off the tracks and you can’t say anything. It’s hard to watch them struggle with relationships with both boys and girls.
Gina says
Your post cracked me up! Great advice. I really enjoyed the one about not owning a pair of pants. My husband of 20 years wears shorts unless it’s below 40, even though I tell him everyone will think he’s crazy! I think it’s important for middle schoolers to be ok with having just a few close friends and being friendly with the rest. Keeping open lines of communication between parent and teen/pre-teen is very important too, since as you said, kids this age are fickle!
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debcb says
Your hubby is a big kid!! Yes, open communication is huge. Hoping it stays that way.
Angie Astry says
Oh I love this!! I definitely wish I would’ve known about these growing up! Sure would’ve saved a lot of heartache!!
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debcb says
No joke.
Margarita says
This is such good advice! I think I’ll bookmark this post for when my daughter starts getting into that age group. It’s SO hard to navigate feelings and emotions at any age, even more so when entangled with hormones, puberty and the need to fit in!
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andrea k says
Great post, Deb! I wish someone had told me those things when I was in middle school, too. Thankful that your daughter is taking your advice. You’re a good mamma <3
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debcb says
Thank you! I try and sometimes fail miserably. LOL
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Brittany says
Excellent advice! I would also add: If a boy likes you, wait a few weeks or even months to see if he still likes you. That’s what I was doing around the time I met my husband. Other boys came and went when they saw I wasn’t an easy target. My husband stuck around.
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debcb says
The boy my daughter currently likes did just that. She didn’t want to “date” him in early Fall and was honest with him. He never batted an eye at another girl. Now she thinks he’s great.
debcb recently posted…Throwback Thursday! The dirty book that perplexed my Hubby (and possibly pleased my Father-in-law?)
Brittany says
That’s great. If a boy is worth a girls time, she better be worth his time too.
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Jim says
Our kids are both very young and this article scares me. 🙂
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debcb says
Yeah. I’m scared too. All the time. Welcome to parenthood.
debcb recently posted…Throwback Thursday! The dirty book that perplexed my Hubby (and possibly pleased my Father-in-law?)
Becky says
I think this is a great list, but I also think teens and tweens will find their own way, even if we’ve tried to steer them. Hopefully they’ll take heed to what we say, but middle school love is a thing all it’s own, when they figure out how to act socially and interact with their peers romantically.
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Marysia says
Your advices are kind of sweet! I love number 4 and being careful on social media. Sometimes I think young people do not understand how to use them properly and how big consequences some behaviours can bring!
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Diana Marie says
This is funny and great advice for teens. Sometimes it also helps to have an older sibling. I confided in my sister a lot in those years trying to navigate my way.
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Tanya says
I wish my mom had told me boys at that age are a waste of time. There would have been plenty of chances later to date and worry about all the pressures that go along with that. I wish she had told me to enjoy my childhood because its gone way too fast.
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adri says
With my boy being 2 looking at this freaks me out! Thankfully I have some time, but man middle school is rough.
Dawn says
My kids are still pretty young (daughter 2, son 7), but I hope they actually follow some of my advice when they get to middle school and high school.
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Yona Williams says
Love this post. I remember the fickleness of boys in middle school, but I also had the best times/interaction when I had a crush on someone (and didn’t reveal it to anyone). It was a lot of fun looking forward to a class with your own secret little agenda to steal a few glances at the ‘cute one.’ Ugg…one middle school “boyfriend” – I will never forget…”dumped me” because his best friend liked me and he was CRYING in the bathroom because his best friend stopped talking to him. The best friend felt bad and had all three of us called into the principal’s office to have a 3 on 3 discussion about it. Are you serious? I was so p’ed off…and turned off at how quickly my so-called boyfriend kicked me to the curb like that…can you imagine being called into the office for THAT!!! Anyways…I feel for teens and tweens of today – social media places an extra stress, pressure and burden on the middle-school dating experience.
And…lol @ #1…I do remember my first kiss because it was with that same crybaby, and I bit his lip…not on purpose.
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Jessica says
I feel like my 6 year old will be there too soon! I’m scared and anxious and… a Mother
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Lisa D.B. Taylor says
Excellent list and advice, and all so true. If only they’d listen to us better!
I like #4 especially – I think this BFF thing vastly overrated!
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debcb says
Some of these “BFF’s” are not what I’d call best friends at all. It’s a tough time.
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Abby says
This is a funny and at the same time insightful post! I know that must be so hard to watch your daughter go through this phase in her life but it sounds like you are a wonderful and supportive mother, and these are some great tips. Unless I have an third child, I will be on the opposite side of the coin with boys, but these are some great insights to keep in mind. Thanks for sharing!
Stephanie says
Oh if only we could go back in time and talk to our teenager selves!!!
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debcb says
Totally agree. Had a conversation yesterday with a man that I’ve known since grade school. Found myself saying, “I wish I would’ve known…” a lot.
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Shaleen says
Your post ows entertaining to read, plus you made your point. But let me tell you, im a guy of 25 and we don’t play spin in the locker room. Lol.. yeah, but we do discuss girls! And if one is not serious about a particular girl, he’s always advised to hit on two or three.. you know.. just to increase the probability. Lol.. personally, my first gf was when I was 17 and that lasted 6 years. Now I have a gf who I’ve been going out with for almost 2 years.
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Charity says
I got a laugh out of #8. My 15yo son never wears pants – and we live in Vermont! I hope all of the girls around here don’t get that advice from their mothers. 🙂
I didn’t date until high school, but I am not sure there was any advice my mother could’ve given me that I would’ve listened to.
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Emily says
Such good things to remember! If only middle schoolers would listen to these things right? haha.
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debcb says
So far, she’s taking my advice. After a lot of eye rolling.
debcb recently posted…Memory Lane Monday- The dirty book – Part 2
Ana says
Haha, what a great list for your girls! #10, 7 and 1 are my favorite. Middle school boys can be just as fickle as little girls and making sure you don’t settle just to do what’s “cool” is so crucial…as is making sure your first kiss is with someone you truly care about and who respects you!
debcb says
Amen. It’s the respect thing that’s so important.
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Carmen says
This was so precious. Certainly some truths and things to remember when I have my own middle schooler. Thanks for your sight. You should consider writing a girls book :).
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debcb says
Thanks. I’ve been thinking about writing a book and then all that self-doubt sneaks in. Would anyone actually read what I have to say? Ugh!
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Sheila R. says
I love the last one! (Make sure your Daddy doesn’t find out lol!) These are pretty great tips to follow! For me I have a sophomore who (thank you Jesus) is a really smart girl when it comes to boys, drama, drugs and alcohol! But I do have a four year old daughter and a two year old son (who also needs good advice on not being one of those boys!) so this advice will still be of some use in the future. Thanks for sharing!
Sheila
SeeSheilaRun
debcb says
Yes, what Daddy doesn’t know won’t kill him, right?
debcb recently posted…Memory Lane Monday- The dirty book – Part 2
Lindsey Whitney says
Good advice! I made so many mistakes dating in high school, but thankfully I did have parents that tried their best to keep me in line and listened well. It does make me sad when I see the girls around me, some of whom I’ve mentored make really bad choices about guys. Sigh.
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debcb says
It’s so hard because they all want to fit in and be liked. I hated middle school with a passion.
debcb recently posted…Memory Lane Monday- The dirty book, part 2
Lisa says
I wish my mom would have told me it’s only one (small) season of my life and that it will be awkward and challenging, but it will not last forever. Your list is great! Thank you for sharing!
debcb says
Thank goodness for us as parents that it doesn’t last forever. UGH!
debcb recently posted…Memory Lane Monday- The dirty book, part 2
Stacie says
Oh to be in middle school again. I think NOT! Too much drama for me and all my mom said was “You better not!”
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debcb says
I try and stay away from “you better not” because I have a very strong-willed child. I try and present the pros and cons of each side and then gently (or sometimes not so) guide her to the right decision.
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Sasha says
#8 made me laugh out loud! It’s already starting, and my son is just in 4th grade! He is wise, and doesn’t mind wearing jeans at all when it’s cold, but the majority of his classmates wear athletic shorts no matter what the weather! I think it looks ridiculous! Your list is great.
debcb says
Yep, it’s 20 degrees here today and most of them had shorts. Silly.
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Snap Happy Mom says
This feels so far in the future for my four year old, but I know the time will fly by!
In general, middle school is such a hard time. The thing I wish this list included was that your parents may not always feel like your friends, but they do love you. I don’t want to be my child’s BFF, but I do want them to know that rules are meant to keep them safe, not punish them or hold them back.
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debcb says
Such a good point. Today Rosie told me I “get in the middle of things.” Of course I do. It’s my job.
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Sheena says
I love “don’t ever date a boy that doesn’t own a pair of pants” ~ great advice! My daughter is just turning 2 so I have a while to go before we get there. I pray for wisdom every day 🙂
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debcb says
Enjoy the young years. I miss them.
debcb recently posted…Memory Lane Monday- The dirty book, part 2
Natalie says
I wish my mother had told all of the above. Very good points to enlighten your teenage daughter. I wouldn’t change even one point you made! They are spot on!!
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debcb says
Thank you. I try so hard to make sure she sees all sides. Even if I’m wrong all the time. LOL
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Quarter Life Cents says
I can’t explain how much I love this. What a great piece of advice. I will be dealing with this with my daughter eventually and I would love to say this all to her.
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Bobbi Parish-Logie says
I wish my Mom had told me all of the things you wrote about! Alas, she didn’t. I still muddled my way through but I’m doing it completely different with my son. He and I talk about everything and I hope doing that with him makes his transition through adolescence easier. Thanks for sharing these, Deb! ~ Bobbi
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Donna says
I’d say that girls can be fickle too. I remember being madly in love with a teenage boy for months – until he decided he liked me and then my feelings totally changed! Luckily my middle school years weren’t all like that.
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Clarinda says
Don’t try to fall in love with every guy that you like.
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Jennifer says
The next years terrify me. I hope my daughter and I will be as close and open as you and Jaiden.
debcb says
The early ones are easy Jenn- all you have to do is be patient and hold your ground with temper tantrums. Later, there are challenges but if you’re always supportive and have an open door policy it makes it easier. I am truly blessed that Jaiden and I are as close as we are.
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Bridget Brown says
I wish my mom would have told me to spend most of my time w my girlfriends in elementary, middle and high school bc some are more than likely gonna end up in college an in your wedding w you!! Not any of the boy I dates are part of my life now– but I have about 10 girlsdriends that still are!!!
lenajeanne says
First I hope this was a great big joke. Second do you seriously encourage your daughter to discuss other girls and basically call them sluts as in #2? THAT is extremely unhealthy and one of the leading causes as to domestic violence situations in the US where women don\’t have the bro code. Where women are subjected to the ridiculousness of being objectified by both men and other women through the activity of their vagina. What I told my daughter?
#1. Don\’t judge another girl for her choices during middle school and after. It\’s the hardest time of growing up. Girls are getting their periods and boys are having issues. School life AND home life may be hard. Regardless of her behavior be nice to her.
#2. Don\’t judge someone based on their clothes. All they may be able to afford are shorts due to a fire, death, poverty, cancer treatment taking up all their money. Have faith that other\’s try to do the right thing.
#3. It\’s ok to like different boys and many different boys. WHY? because you are just now discovering yourself and finding out what you require to be respected. Don\’t stay with a boy simply because you are afraid of moving on. That\’s how women get trapped in abusive cycles.
#4. There is no first kiss. First kisses are typically gross and weird and you bang heads, but you do it again and you get better at it.
#5. Nerds make great boyfriends. How do I know? Look at me and my husband. I\’m a PhD oncologist..he\’s a airplane nerd.
#6. Don\’t be afraid to not date.
#7. Learn about the fallacies of todays internet age by understanding the dangers of too much information. Here is a good website we can go over together.
#8. Regardless of your behavior I promise to never act like a totalitarian and will treat you with respect and love you. Everyone makes bad choices. I did and so did your dad, but the important part isn\’t just about not making bad choices but LEARNING from the choices you did make whether good or bad. I\’ve got your back…cause I\’m your momma!
Seriously, there are way better things to tell your daughter then what is on this list.
Debbie Williams says
The problem is that even if your Mom tells you all of these things, will you listen? Probably not. Some things never change!
debcb says
So far my child is…fingers crossed.