The Blame Game. We've all played it. It's when you blame others for something that's wrong in your life or something that's happening to your kids. It's when it can't be your actions or words that caused a problem/situation/dilemma or decision because it's always someone else's fault. It's easier to point a finger than to look inside yourself or at the situation objectively and really assess what happened and guess what? It happens way too often.
DISCLAIMER: As always this post isn't directed at one person or at one situation. It's been coming for a while. So, if you see yourself in the post, go ahead, point your finger and BLAME ME. Then you may want to kick back and reconsider.
I am really sick and tired of people blaming others for absolutely everything in their life. Bad shit happens and often there's a reason. However, often there isn't an explanation. Honestly, I can't come up with a single good reason why my poor child is so sick. We didn't do anything to deserve it. However, I don't blame anyone or anything for the lot we've been handed in life- including God. That's why I have a hard time listening to people moan and whine and point fingers at others for everything. Guess what? It's not someone else's fault.
We all make decisions every single day that impact our livelihood and those around us. Maybe if you lose a job, it's not because you were employed by an asshole. It's because you made the active choice to work for one (yes, this happened to me). Perhaps if you didn't make the high school dance team, it's because you made the poor decision to pitch a fit that you had to go to 6 a.m. practices with a broken arm when you couldn't dance the year before (also happened to me). Both of these are situations where I could have pointed the finger at another and blamed, yet I didn't. I was smart enough to know that I made a mistake and was paying for my actions no matter how much it hurt. Playing the blame game didn't work for me.
As parents, we need to stop blaming others for everything and model reasoning and coping skills for our kids. If your child decides to quit a sport, maybe it's not the coach's fault or another parent's fault or the kid that they said was bullying them (and yes, I realize that all three of these can be used as excuses by our kids but they shouldn't be used by us). Maybe they don't enjoy it any more or it's your dream not theirs. Sit down and uncover the answer and help your child work through the issues. Give them the skills to become healthy adults.
If our kids see us point fingers or complain about others, they're learning that there's always someone else to blame and that's wrong. We're responsible for our actions and they need to know that they are too. Teenagers are not known for always making the best decisions. When they make a poor one, they need to know that they can't blame someone else. The responsibility, even if they followed a crowd, is theirs and so are the consequences.
So stop playing the Blame Game. If you've been doing it a long time, it may be hard to stop being the victim but it's important. Why? Your kids are watching and they learn everything from you.